a tired prayer
It has slowly been becoming clear that there are things that I need to work through; that there are roads that I need to travel, and ideas that I need to sort and work through. I have very little self confidence, I am easily frustrated and agitated at myself. When I look at my personality and when I look at myself in the mirror I typically do not like what I see. What is the root of all of this, and how do I address it?
What I want most in life is to be told by those that I cherish and need, that I too am cherished and needed by them. Haku, in the anime Naruto, says that the worst feeling on this earth is the feeling that you arent needed by anyone; I know that I am needed by my parents, and my family…but why am I not satisfied with that? Am I that selfish and conceited? That self-centered?
Jesus, Dad, Holy Spirit speak truth to my heart, remind me of who I am and what you see in me. Show me Jesus, if it be your will, that I am not ever alone. That I am loved by you and by so many more. I don’t feel like it now. Daddy I feel tired and unwanted, and alone. Just somebody Dad. Please. Love me tonight, wrap me in yourself, keep me safe and comfort me as I sleep. I pray dad, I pray. And I love you
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Ryanbear,
I have been down this road several times, you know that. And I really wish that there was something beyond the tired cliches to respond with — but really the best thing I can tell you is to hang in there. I know it seems like this whole process is unending, and it just might be. But maybe not. Think through what you need to man, take some time and do that. Be strong, but be real with yourself, too. You are one of my dear friends Ryan, and I love you for that. You have much to offer, rather you believe it or not.